I know that my little one has had some melt downs lately. And it is no wonder, he wants freedom, and independence, is tired of being controlled... and would rather control me lol.

I was hoping to get feedback on what works for you. I know that there was a previous post about boredom, but I would like to incorporate true help for defiance, tantrums that are due to our little ones stretching their boundaries, and how we can keep our cool.

Personally, I do not like being defied lol. I dont like it when my toddler challenges my authority as mommy to keep him safe. But I understand that it is healthy and normal, so I try to keep calm.  They do not have the skills to deal with the avalanche of new emotions and desires that they feel. We as parents can do a lot to diffuse potential conflict by not losing our temper. If you feel that you are talking to your child in an increasingly frustrated, irritable tone of voice, a useful trick is to say absolutely nothing for a short while. You can still communicate ‘no’ by shaking your head or dress a protesting child in silence and show you mean business. It gives you a breather from arguing, and a chance to calm down. Don’t forget they will eventually learn from you how to process difficult emotions.

This is one of those work in progresses for me. I keep thinking if I say it louder, it will suddenly make sense lol. Kinda like when someone talks real loud and slow to another person who does not speak the same language, it only ends in frustration for both, and me looking silly.

I know it is very important that all toddlers learn that they cannot have everything they want. Just as we cannot avoid death or taxes, my boy(s) must learn that some things in life are absolutes. I am trying to learn to accept that sometimes I will have to put up with an ear-splitting screaming fit as part of the him learning to accept the limits that I have placed on them. The key with standing your ground is to be consistent. This way, the quicker the child will understand behavioural boundaries and be less likely to test you as they get older. But sometimes it is soooo hard not to just give in isn't it?

When I Have said no, I am trying to take his mind off his discontent immediately. Obviously you have to judge the situation – we all know that there is no point trying to distract an enraged toddler when all they need is to vent their frustration. Nor is it fair... they should be allowed to express what they are feeling, otherwise how will they deal with emotions when they grow up?
But it is often surprising to me how quickly he can forget he is upset once I start playing with him...making faces, doing animal noises, dancing, or tickling him.When we grownup are disappointed, there is usually some consolation in an alternative. This is equally true for toddlers. I am also trying to provide him with another means of satisfaction. For instance they may be not allowed to have Jelly beans right now, but how about toast with cinnamon and colored sugar instead? (that one is only if he as actually been eating well that day lol)

What methods, tricks or patterns work for you? Is there something that you have not been able to get the hang of? Is there one thing that your toddler does that makes you lose it every time... for me it is the painting of the wall with his diaper... I have not been able to break him of it!